“As you wish, my king.”
I bow my head lower than usual so that my eyes won’t meet his. It’ll give me away; though it’s always been difficult meeting his eyes directly. I often find myself looking away or focusing on anything but him because he looks exactly like the only one I ever allowed myself to love. In all my existence, I felt something, and loved only once, five annum ago.
But this time, I have a different motive for not meeting his gaze head-on. I don’t want him to see the obvious lie in my eyes. I’m going to eavesdrop on his conversation against his orders though I assented when he asked me to wait at the bottom of the long winding temple stairs. I have a right to know what’s going on.
I pretend to descend the stairs until I know he’s entered the temple. Calling forth my invisibility as soon as he’s out of sight, I turn around and follow him inside. I brace my back against the temple walls and watch as he freezes when he gets a good look at the ethereal female who lives here.
It’s always hard to look at her. The Elder. She’s so stunning. So similar to the beauty of the bitch queen who ruined my life five annum ago. It’s been quite arduous dealing with the loss. Back then, it had taken me a while to come to terms with the fact that she was my superior in every way. It had been a startling realization when I’d finally gotten to see the great Queen Luna with my own eyes. She was everything they’d said she would be and more. Even I had to admit that.
Her slender, graceful hands grip the balcony railing at the High Elders’ castle in frustration as she contemplates how it’s even possible that she’s managed to fail in life after death. Her son has followed in his father’s footsteps, precisely how everyone had assumed it would happen. They were right. He is an Alaris after all. But though a small part of her refuses to let this be the end, she still feels repentant now that things have gotten to the point where they are. She’d done everything she thought she could do to give him a way out. To protect him from the relentless Darkness that lives inside him. Even given her life.
Still, everything she’d fought so hard for was a complete failure.
Like you’re full of shit, really.
“It makes me feel…normal,” I lie.
Ever the dutiful ward. I haven’t felt normal in a long time. I say only what they want to hear lately.
The truth is, I’d just told her of my problem with accepting change and my ultimate fear of being angry and alone. And she thinks it’s awesome that I’m actually expressing myself today. She looks pleased.
I inwardly smirk at my success.
Lately, I’ve been feeling empty, lost, like there’s this unattainable feeling of dread in the near future. I haven’t felt whole in a long time. It’s like I’m in a bad film, one with only sad scenes. And I’m the feature. The class act. I’ve been angry, so angry that it scares me. It’s an anger so strong that it consumes me. But I’m trapped because this is how my life is now. I don’t know who I am anymore, not while being in this place for so long.